In honour of Domestic Violence Awareness Week, a local woman has shared her story in the hope that others will feel less alone.
For her safety and privacy, the woman will be referred to as Jane.
“One phrase I hold onto is ‘I believe her’,” Jane said. “That simple sentence means everything.
“Too often, women speak up and aren’t believed. Then they stop speaking. That silence only protects the abuser.”
Jane spent nine years in an abusive relationship.
“At the start, I ignored the red flags,” she said. “They were there, I just didn’t want to see them. You never think it’ll happen to you.”
It began with small comments, “Why are you wearing that? Who are you with? You embarrassed me.”
Over time, it became a pattern of control, anger, and criticism.
“I lost confidence. I lost myself,” she said.
Walking away
They had children together. Jane believed this made it harder to walk away.
“I thought staying was best, keeping the family together. But now I know it’s better to show your children what love really looks like. Abuse affects them too,” she said.
Leaving, unfortunately, didn’t bring Jane peace right away. In fact, it became even more unsafe.
“I thought once I walked away, it would be over. But the harassment, the stalking, it got worse,” she revealed.
Statistics show that the period after leaving an abusive partner can be especially risky, with many survivors facing increased threats and harm. This reality makes safety planning and support even more crucial during this time.
Eventually, Jane went to the police.
“Reporting it helped in some ways. It created a record, it gave some protection. But I also felt let down. The justice system can be hard to navigate. It’s like you have to keep proving what happened to you.”
She believes living in a rural place like Fermanagh made it even harder. “Everyone knows everyone. People pick sides. That’s okay, don’t let it stop you from trusting your gut.”
Judgment came quickly
“People would say, ‘You can really pick them,’” Jane recalled. “But I didn’t pick him, he picked me. That’s what abusers do.
“They find people who are kind, patient, empathetic. They become exactly who you think you need, until the mask slips.”
Jane concluded with a message of hope,“I want anyone reading this who is going through the same pain to know it’s not your fault. You’re not alone. If you’re still in it, please reach out. Talk to someone, a sister, a friend, just one person who will truly listen.
“Healing might take time, but it will come. You deserve that peace.”