Fr Brian D’Arcy
FR BRIAN D’arcy, rector at the Graan in Enniskillen, has released his latest book: ‘Food for the Soul’.
The book contains a collection of material from broadcasts and writings, as well as reflections on Sunday readings that he shares in Enniskillen every week.
In an interview with the Fermanagh Herald, Fr Brian has spoken about low points over the past three years: how close he came to leaving the priesthood; his own reaction to the revealing BBC documentary on him, and where he is now, having found what he describes as the inner peace needed to allow him to write the book.
“I really wouldn’t have put it together only I was forced into it by a lot of people saying to me, you seem to have gone silent, everyone thinks you’ve gone silent. And people are disappointed that you’ve gone silent.”
But, still appearing weekly as a columnist in the Sunday World, Fr Brian did not feel that the above was the case.
“Though I wasn’t appearing on television as much as I previously had been. And I certainly wasn’t doing as many radio interviews because I wasn’t meeting trouble half way.”
In the BBC documentary, ‘The Turbulent Priest’, viewers were given a ‘fly-on-the-wall’ style look into the life of the priest.
For Fr Brian himself, he described what it showed him about himself as ‘extremely frightening’.
“I realised that I’d aged, that I was very depressed looking even though I didn’t feel as if I was depressed. And that I was wrecked mentally and physically. It showed a lot of things: ‘Look you have got to take care of yourself or you’re on the way out’.
“It was a very tough thing and it suddenly came through that – I realised I need to purge myself of something more. Otherwise I’m just going to get decrepit, anxious, sour and if that’s who I am I’d be better to leave the priesthood.”
He added: “I meet enough guys like that who damage God, the priesthood and the church, simply because they hang into a job that they shouldn’t be in.”
NOT long after the documentary aired, Fr Brian was out of action for two months due to a knee operation. He said that what had appeared a curse, turned out to be a blessing.
It gave him the opportunity – perhaps because he was forced due to lack of mobility – to ‘find where my roots were’.
“I had to sit down and find something in me. I had to really work it out: Do I go on being angry about what happened to me? Or do I resolve it?” he continued.
“And one of the things I came to in the resolving of it, was that I couldn’t be silent forever.”
But just how close had the priest come to becoming a ‘former priest’?
“I was probably closer than I realised. Because I had become disillusioned.
“And what happened was I discovered that there were three or four other colleagus that it happened to, we met and we discussed it. And everybody said isn’t it a terrible thing to happen – but they went on about their lives.
“And nobody was prepared say that this shouldn’t happen. So that began to say to me maybe I’ve done enough in the priesthood.
“Previously like any guy in a vocationally situation, I’d asked myself certainly 20 times, am I in the right job. Should I be in this? Because you must keep yourself right.
“This was different because now the institution was telling me they didn’t want me.
“It makes you feel pretty low. But then the institution is obviously wrong, and I couldn’t see that anyone was getting that message.”
How God helped me get myself together again:
Fr Brian described two incidents that helped him through his period of turmoil, an interview published following the death of Cardinal Martini, and the resignation of Pope Benedict.
“In it he said exactly the things I’d been saying. And yet I said, there’s a guy who should have been pope, who is so scared of the system that he wouldn’t say it while he was alive. I felt that’s the end. That shouldn’t happen.”
He went on: “Very shortly afterwards the Pope announced that he was stepping down. And I said that’s a miracle. But I thought it doesn’t matter a damn, there’s so many conservative guys that have been appointed by himself and John Paul that it’s not going to be any different, and yet it was different.
“So I began to see that God has funny was of working at things and that’s where I began to get myself together again. That happened when I was off with my knee and the two things together gave me a sense of ‘No, you’ve got to claim your own freedom’. You’ve got to write again. Don’t write something you don’t believe it. Write positive to help people and to help where you are at.”
And, on the book he concluded: “There are no heavy messages in it other than saying: Here’s the God I know, here’s the God that kept me going, here’s the kind of stories of people that I can think are wonderful people. Read bits of it now and again, get something in it for yourself.”
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