Amanda Eldridge had planned to take part in the fun run with her 25-year-daughter, however following her death in July the brave mum decided to run in memory of her “kind and generous” Jessie (Jessica). 

 

The heartbroken mother wore a bracelet with some of Jessie’s ashes, a poignant gesture for the student who loved the outdoors. 

Jessica Hussain was studying law at the University of Ulster and, as her mum said, had so much to live for. 

But she struggled as a young teen with low self-esteem, self harming, depression and several overdoses. 

The 56-year-old described the moment she found out about her daughter’s death. 

 

“Just two weeks later and we decided to take part in the fun run, two policewomen came to my door and broke the news that she was dead,” said. 

“I lived in a nightmare for more than 10 years, waiting for the day when Jessie would succeed in killing herself either by accident or intent.

 

“The six weeks from then until the day of the run might as well have been six days as they all blurred together, but when I realised that the day was coming round I had to go – it was the last thing we’d arranged to do together and as I had some of her ashes in a bracelet it would almost be as if we were still doing it together.” 

 

She left school with no GCSEs but went on to study at the South West College where she left with a triple distinction in Business BTEC and went on to study law, where she was in her second year. “However, many times over the years she would ring me, or email or come home in crisis and so many times we sat late into the night, or talked on the phone while I tried to persuade her that she would be able to come through the other side, that she was smart, that she was gorgeous and a great person with everything to look forward to,” she added. 

 

“That crisis would pass and she would seem to be doing well, until the cycle started again, and although Jessie was on medication and getting help from a number of professionals as well as ongoing family support, eventually she decided that she didn’t want to carry on.”

 

Jessie used her low self esteem as a driving force to improve her fitness, which in turn helped to stave off her depression. 

“She had a quick wit and could make you laugh until you hurt with her one-liners and loved to party – she had a lot of good friends and was always very supportive if anyone felt low. 

 

“Although she was kind, generous and fiercely loyal to friends and family, there was always the other side – the self-critical, self-sabotaging, “there is no silver lining” side that focused on every past mistake, on every perceived injustice, on every possible future stumbling block and couldn’t see a way forward.”

 

She added: “Many of us know of someone in our wider circle of family, friends or acquaintances who has died at their own hand, and depending on the circumstances might have wondered if we should have seen the signs, but the intimacy of a close friend or family member makes us question every action or word that could conceivably have contributed to the tragedy, or have prevented it. 

 

“There is so much more openness around mental health problems now that sufferers are more able than ever to access help and talk to friends and family without the level of censure that there was in the past.”